What I Want

I want to go to work everyday.

I want to see my students in person, not through a zoom meeting.

I want to plan my wedding without the the thought Maybe things won't be normal by then in the back of my head every time I do.

I want to spend time with my sisters, brothers-in-law, nieces and nephews and be closer than 6 feet.

I want my sister to be able to finish her final semester at college; a semester that was going to be so enjoyable and fulfilling for her.

I want to not constantly have a lump in my throat as I think of all the suffering that is happening in the world.

While all these wants are good and I am not in the wrong lamenting what I and others have lost, I have come to realize that I have placed my confidence in these things.

Placed my confidence in what I want; the external.

The things that are not promised to last forever.

These are all good gifts and I am not going to stop desiring them, but I am also learning to long for the things above more than anything else.

I can hold onto Someone who will never change or be affected by external circumstances.

I can place my confidence in Jesus, the One who never changes.

And so I am learning to place my heart and my mind on other wants as well.

I want to trust Him more.

I want to seek first His kingdom.

I want to strengthen my prayer life.

I want to deepen my relationship with Him.

I want to see the world and others as He sees them.

I want to have my confidence and security fully resting on Him.

While I know the Lord hears my cry and desires for me to come to Him with my wants and my fears, I know He is going to fill me up with so much more and give me the strength to carry on through this season.

In Him I am satisfied.